I could never sit down and write jokes.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

What bothered me was all of the time he wasted by drumming, and all the time I wasted by listening to him drum, by taking pleasure in it, for pleasure is almost always a waste of time.

You need editors, not brand managers, who will push the envelope to make [a brand media property] go forward.

I was learning book-keeping at the age of 12, but it never stopped me from pursuing literature. Over the years, I grew to love the written word.

Little girls are like old cats. If they don't like you nothing on Earth will make them pretend to.

No institution which does not continually test its ideals, techniques and measure of accomplishment can claim real vitality.

Detroit is a place where we've had it pretty tough. But there is a generosity here and a well of kindness that goes deep.

For me, I've been really, really lucky because I have been able to play a lot of different parts.

It's great to see a relatable, accessible young woman out there, doing things and breaking the barriers for what would be considered an action movie.

The leader has a clear idea of what he wants to do professionally and personally, and the strength to persist in the face of setbacks, even failures