How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

Some of the best memories are made in flip flops.

... Don't feel bad about crying. Ever.

Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.

Everything I ever learned I was told by someone else.

Taste consists in the power of judging; genius in the power of executing.

Science conducts us, step by step, through the whole range of creation, until we arrive, at length, at God.

I honor those who try to rid themselves of any lying, who empty the self and have only clear being there.

Authority founded on injustice is never of long duration.

Character, I am sure, lies in the genes.

If Radiohead were a fruit we would be apples, because apples are festive