He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.

Respect everyone who crosses your path, even if you feel they don't deserve it.

Peace is a place of unhindered enjoyment of friendship beyond guilt, suspicion, blame of inferiority

But even then I knew it wasn’t me that saved her life. It wasn’t about me. I was just there while she was maybe going to die and maybe not, and then she just didn’t.

Since you stand in the same bridge with him why don't you two just jump off.

Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

I never met the second happiest man, or the first happiest man, so I can't judge where I fall into that category.

They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me young love murder, that is what this must be I would give it all to not be sleeping alone

The one certain way for a woman to hold a man is to leave him for religion.

I’m a total atheist, and for me it’s just about trying to find something that rises above the banal day-to-day bullshit of living.

Open thy gate of mercy, gracious God, My soul flies through these wounds to seek out thee.