God makes stars. I just produce them.

When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy.

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.

We want a story that starts out with an earthquake and works its way up to a climax.

I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.

The harder I work, the luckier I get.

A hospital is no place to be sick.

Ninety percent of the art of living consists of getting along with people you cannot stand.

I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.

From success you get a lot of things, but not that great inside thing that love brings you.

If Roosevelt were alive today, he'd turn over in his grave.

Maxim 11: Everything is air-droppable at least once.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

The best thing you can do in life is to love unconditionally and endlessly.

Satire is an abuse of wit. It corrects few evils.

I have a metal plate in my head, and can pop my shoulder and pop it back.

Refrain from throwing your bicycle in public. It shows poor upbringing

Nothing in life has happened to you, it's happened FOR You!

The land of embarrassment and breakfast.

You need to have that edge, you need to have that confidence, you need to have that absolute belief that you're - you're the best and you'll win every time.

I think I don't view myself as an author. I view myself as a person. I view anything as part of being a person, so I feel okay with "marketing" or other things like that.

Ill buy an old jacket and attach gold buttons and a couple royal patches. Or Ill find an old busted sweatshirt, tear out the zipper, and replace it with a $700 zipper. I make things my own.