Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

When we protect ourselves from what we fear, we also undermine our capacity for wonder.

The first gang members who joined the military were known as the Hounds, a group of former New York gang members.

Great companies don't throw money at problems, they throw ideas at problems.

Content and technology are strange bed fellows. We are joined together. Sometimes we misunderstand each other. But isn't that after all the definition of marriage?

You just want to try a bunch of stuff, because you don't know what's going to be great.

To know of someone here and there whom we accord with, who is living on with us, even in silence - - this makes our earthly ball a peopled garden.

She screamed, the high scream that was neither human nor animal but something terrible in between, the sort of sound that you never forget no matter how many beautiful things you hear afterward.

My wife Staci made me go to a wedding last weekend...If it weren’t for her, I’d be happy.

They don't matter. I thought I had to prove something, and I did, to myself. There's nothing left for me to prove. I can move on with my life.