For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

My eye sees sacred things.

True progress comes not through action, but through awakening.

I love Rihanna, Rihanna seems like a fun person to be friends with, she seems like a fun time to be [around].

Let us live, my Lesbia, and let us love. Vivamus, mea Lesbia, atque amemus

You don't think we have a copyright to forgiveness, it is done by people everywhere.

Nothing is more heart-breaking than the demise of decency.

There is a place in this world for satire, but there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry toward religious beliefs... begins.

Could distance in one direction differ from distance in another? It's always faster coming home.

When I love most, love is disguised. In hate; and when hate is surprised, in love, then I hate most.

I have this lock of hair that keeps falling across my forehead. It drives me mad.