Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It's called assohol.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

…wisely mingled poetry and prose.

The existence of conscious minds and their access to the evident truth of ethics and methematics are among the data that a theory of the world and our place in it has yet to explain.

All that is transitory is but a metaphor.

You're staring at me," Simon said. "Why are you staring at me? Have I got something on my face?

My definition of God: God is not only the alpha, the omega, he is friend, he's a confidant, he is a buddy. He is a lover of my soul. That's my definition of God.

In the end, what your own troops do is more important than who they are marching against.

I can only build if I tear the walls down, even if it breaks me I won't let it make me frown, I'm falling but no matter how hard I hit the ground, I'll still smile

Just as a picture is drawn by an artist, surroundings are created by the activities of the mind

We tend to block off many of our senses when we're staring at a screen. Nature time can literally bring us to our senses.