Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

The Kingdom of God abideth forever.

...there are times when silence is a poem.

Behind the parents stands the school, and behind the teacher the home.

On the whole, God’s love for us is a much safer subject to think about than our love for Him.

First of all, I choose the great roles, and if none of these come, I choose the mediocre ones, and if they don't come, I choose the ones that pay the rent.

I'm the type of person who, if somebody offers me a free meal, I get excited because you never know where your next free meal is going to come from.

to understand our love they'd have to turn the world upside down

Though an atom is invisible, unthinkable, yet in it are the whole power and potency of the universe.

Pastors are sent to utter the deep things of God for the conviction of sin, and for edification and comfort.

These critics who crucify me do not guess the littlest part of my sincerity. They must be burned in a blaze. I cannot learn from them.