Driving around with a receding hairline and two kids in a Prius feels a bit boring for me.

The most interesting hipsters are ones who stop being hipsters.

Rescuing dogs is looked upon as a noble, trendy pursuit. But wouldn't rescuing a man from a homeless shelter be, in fact, more humane?

The most interesting nerds are the ones who take offense to being called nerds.

Iowa's the worst. Iowa's just nothing, just flat as far as you can see. It's the only state in the country where you can stand on your front porch and actually watch your dog run away for three days.

Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls and then you leave the house and things get bad.

If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.

Somebody stole my identity. Good luck using it without the medications.

I feel like I am too old to eat jelly. But I am too young to eat prunes. I am between grapes.

They say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds. The other 19 are shame.

Don't be like me. Look at me: monogamous, in shape, no debt, sober... I'm dead inside.

When I create an image that helps someone - even just myself - find peace, then I've attained my goal.

I love folk; that's a big part of my background.

Good God, do you mean to say this place is a club?

I've been married 34 years. I have not been a perfect man. I have made mistakes in my life.

The Holy Ghost is the greatest guarantor of inward peace in our unstable world.

Never stop dreaming and follow the omens.

Begin to live each day as if it was your last.

..he wanted her. And at another time, as another man, he would have her. Without hesitation. As lover. . . as more.

I'm a video game buff.

Inadequate nutrition can lead to terrible health consequences, both physical and emotional.