Donald Trump, yes, he's somebody's little boy. But he is his ideas because his ideas are what's going to affect us. As a man, he can do very little. But his ideas could kill us all.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

There is a difference between how you live your life, and what you do with your life.

In some ways England is more liberal than France, but I also find it more intrusive. But when you go abroad you have to accept the ways of where you live. I have to respect that.

Designs of purely arbitrary nature cannot be expected to last long.

When a man wears his pants that tight, they tend to pinch his balls, and that tends to pinch his temper.

Do not help the quick moneymakers who have delusions about taking possession of classics by smearing them with paint.

Our daily decisions create the scrapbook of our life.

I don't want a government shutdown. I don't think anyone does.

What we cannot express by the art of thinking, by the art of science or philosophy or logic, we can and should express by the poetic, visual, or some other arts.

It would be impossible for me to give you a list of the top 10 songs that shake my life. Far more music went in to it than just ten.

I try to live my life every day in the present, and try not to turn a blind eye to injustice and need.