Despite rumor, Death isn't cruel--merely terribly, terribly good at his job.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

The real history of consciousness starts with one's first lie.

It is little men know of women; their smiles and their tears alike are seldom what they seem.

God made beauty so we'd know how He felt about us.

I've got no interest in going over to California to fight that boring git, in a fight that no one's interested in, and that's the reason why he's trying to pimp himself out everywhere.

Revenge is a particularly interesting concept, especially the notion of whether or not it exists outside of just an abstract idea.

Learning from one's enemies is the best way to love them, for it puts one into a grateful mood toward them.

I can't legislate to change human nature.

Even if our efforts of attention seem for years to be producing no result, one day a light that is in exact proportion to them will flood the soul.

I was afraid the fire would not be hot enough for me to distinguish myself.

I know very much what I believe.