Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Not everyone gets to do what they love, be good at it, and get paid for it. If you do, you're lucky.

Life passes us by if all we do is focus on the future. Being present, for the present, is really what is important.

Instead of allowing ourselves to be led and trapped by our feelings, we should let them disappear as soon as they form, like letters drawn on water with a finger.

The suspicious mind believes more than it doubts. It believes in a formidable and ineradicable evil lurking in every person.

You have to know what you need. You need someone who's going to really push you hard. But they also need to understand that, emotionally, sometimes today's not the day to push so hard.

I get invited to a lot more glamorous parties since Ive been in Downton Abbey, which has made me much more fashion conscious.

Ignorance is the mother of presumption

The Hulk, a being of pure tortured id, bipolar mania unbound, sprung from the subconscious of a repressed, scientist with a dark childhood.

I always thought I would adopt. Even when I was young, I used to look up how to adopt.

Trickle down economics creates a nation of peons.