BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back. You know, I say give him life plus 20.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

I am planting a tree in this bomb crater to remind us that in the midst of death, there is life... and hope.

Of all the ways of acquiring books, writing them oneself is regarded as the most praiseworthy method.— Walter Benjamin, "Unpacking My Library

In success be moderate.

Sure. Some of the reviews have been very flattering, but the series is not finished yet. The end needs to be as strong as the beginning.

People like Elizabeth Dole have given too much power to the special interests.

Only when you give up being consistent will you find the truth! Inconsistency makes you free to discover other roads.

I believe a good leader brings out the best in people by listening to them, trusting in them, believing in them, respecting them and letting them have a go.

I've got friends who are pyrotechnics who do big fire shows, so I'm really fascinated by that.

I love the holiday season, almost as much as I love touching myself in front of orphans.