Although the scythe isn't pre-eminent among the weapons of war, anyone who has been on the wrong end of, say, a peasants' revolt will know that in skilled hands it is fearsome.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

The sum of our greatness lies not in asking“what do I want to do?” but rather “who do I want to be?

The holy people delights in the Lord.

...wanting change is step one, but step two is taking it.

Humor is an antidote to all ills.

We are a feelingless people. If we could really feel, the pain would be so great that we would stop all the suffering at once.

I became depressed and I cut my self with scissors and stuff.

What you get is no longer what you see.

I'm a performer. We don't retire.

The entire world will be in nuclear war, and only the Swiss will be going, 'what's that noise?'

I'm a sexual person. A lot of different people turn me on and have over the years, and I've always wanted to make it very clear that this was not coming from some sort of antimale point of view.