All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.

Joseph lost his son and Christ. (Joseph a perdu - Son fils et Jésus.)

Work finally begins when the fear of doing nothing exceeds the fear of doing it badly.

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one way; wisdom is looking in both directions anyway.

The chicken did not cross the road. The road passed beneath the chicken.

Yesterday's truth is today's bullshit. Even yesterday's liberating insight is today's jail of stale explanation.

There is little more powerful than when truth joins action.

My tattoos say "Stay strong." "Stay" on one wrist and "strong" on the other. I'm able to look at them and be thankful for being alive.

A real miracle's a reminder and a warning that the line that separates the possible from the impossible isn't as firm as we like to think it is.

Christ's purpose was to really show how everyone can be loved and how everyone should be loved and accepted.

Out of one hundred thousand sinners who continue in sin until death, scarcely one will be saved.