According to USA Today, 74 percent of Americans plan to hand out candy this Halloween. Although President Obama thinks it should be just the top 1 percent.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Mother Nature is relentless and forward. When we do not live according to her laws she rewards us with disease.

Earth to earth ashes to ashes dust to dust in sure and certain hope of the resurrection.

There is only one real happiness in life, and that is the happiness of creating.

I won't cry for you, my mascara's too expensive

Mmmmm. Warm chocolate chip cookies. Not even AB negative can compare.

For disorder obstructs: besides, it doth disgust life, distract the appetities, and yield no true relish to the senses.

An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency.

A good artist ought never to allow impatience to overcome his sense of the main end of art - perfection

Of course I'm ambitious. What's wrong with that? Otherwise you sleep all day.

I just think that movies are really fake; they should be fake.