A pair of ruby red slippers worn by Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz have been stolen. The thief is described as being armed and fabulous.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Meditating on the nature and dignity of prayer can cause saying at least one thing to God: Lord, teach us to pray!

Life is given to be invested in multiplying

Letting goI can have a firm foundationTo honor youAnd hold you in my heart

I'm my age and I feel glorious.

The wedlocks of minds will be greater than that of bodies.

What passion cannot music raise and quell!

Telling the truth is absolutely important.

Tomorrow country then, tomorrow country now.

The reason I always insisted on signing my work was not to be subordinate to anyone.

I've never liked the idea you have to be a certain age to be a pop star. I like the idea that anybody can enter, anybody can compete.