A fitting room to me has always been like a confessional ... where my body and my contrition take up the entire room.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

I prefer the skylineof a shelf of books.

In such seconds of decision entire futures are made

Women can more easily conquer their passion than their coquetterie.

When it comes to the point, really bad men are just as rare as really good ones.

Laziness in doing stupid things can be a great virtue.

I advocate the modification of the '67 borders to let about half of the Israeli stay in Palestine.

Nature has circumscribed the field of life within small dimensions, but has left the field of glory unmeasured.

Being green saves you money. Being green saves you green.

But it's Sunday, Mr. Bell. Clocks are slow on Sundays.

My wish is to construct a system of sociology on the model of celestial mechanics, physics, and chemistry.