Sarcastic Quotes

Men have to do some awfully mean things to keep up their respectability.

The secret of a successful restaurant is sharp knives.

Acting is like roller skating. Once you know how to do it, it is neither stimulating nor exciting.

She is a water bug on the surface of life.

The Australian sense of humor is very dry, sarcastic, and very undercover. Like if I tell any jokes in America, people just think I'm serious! So I just quit telling any jokes whatsoever.

I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.

There is one thing on earth more terrible than English music, and that is English painting.

I fear that I have not got much to say about Canada, not having seen much; what I got by going to Canada was a cold.

He is the same old sausage, fizzing and sputtering in his own grease.

An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.

He is so stupid you can't trust him with an idea.

He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.

Sarcasm is lost in print.

I have friends who are so sarcastic, but I never view it as mean.

He was a bit like a corkscrew. Twisted, cold and sharp.

He is a fine friend. He stabs you in the front.

It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

He's the kind of man who picks his friends - to pieces.

I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.

In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that.

His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere.

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.

We English are good at forgiving our enemies; it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.

Men heap together the mistakes of their lives, and create a monster they call Destiny.

He made enemies as naturally as soap makes suds.

In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.

The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means.

The Englishman who has lost his fortune is said to have died of a broken heart.

I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

A mental midget with the IQ of a fence post.

The perfection of rottenness.

If he ever had a bright idea it would be beginner's luck.

He makes a July's day short as December.

She's good, being gone.

He's a trellis for varicose veins.

Failure has gone to his head.

In Russia a man is called reactionary if he objects to having his property stolen and his wife and children murdered.

It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half.

She could carry off anything; and some people said that she did.

Nature played a cruel trick on her by giving her a waxed mustache.

He [Napoleon] was as great as a man can be without morality.

An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.

Colombian humor is very black, very sarcastic.

Chick flick is not a term used to praise a movie. Nobody says 'it's a great chick flick.' It's a way of being derisive. I'm not clear why it's ok to do it.