Jokes Quotes

The shouting and opinion and jokes don't exist if there isn't first a story.

Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.

Women are not children. We are not fragile little birds who can't cope with jokes, works of art, or controversial speakers.

Bill Clinton was doing Ku Klux Klan grand kleagel jokes at Byrd's funeral, saying, Oh, Robert C. Byrd, he used the - he was the grand kleagel. He just did what he had to do.

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.

A professional writer is a joke. You write because you can't do anything else, and then you have another job.

How can one better magnify the Almighty than by sniggering with him at his little jokes, particularly the poorer ones?

I don't do jokes. The characters are my jokes.

I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.

Some subjects are so serious that one can only joke about them.

I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.

If you didn't believe in objective truth, arguments would be just toys, or games, or jokes.

Listening a cultivated person of today that jokes and almost boasts about his scientific ignorance, is as sad as listening a scientist that boasts about not having read any poem.

When you are in a room and your job is to write jokes 10 hours a day, your mind starts going to strange places.

I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

I was just, you know, kind of getting racist jokes, kind of being isolated from the group. So it was definitely hard. I would come home at night and just cry my eyes out.

I can't stand not being able to joke around on set, so I have to.

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.

Taking a call girl to an STD fair... there's a joke here.

The gods too are fond of a joke.

I am fun. I do have a good time. I have a good heart. I'm not all jokes. I'm a pretty serious person sometimes. I'm very very hardworking. I'm very academic.

When you asked me how I was doing, was that some kind of joke

There are a lot of great jokes you can sit down and write, but that's just a written joke, versus the comedy of the situation. Ideally, you're pulling as much comedy out of the situation as you can.

It ain't no joke when you lose your vinyl.

Of course my jokes are in poor taste, inappropriate, and confused; they reveal my lack of security. But that is because I have no respect for myself.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

I love ebola jokes. When done in the right way, maybe it gets people to learn about ebola, to learn about the stigmas behind the identities held by Africans and so on.

One of the stock Sydney jokes is of the census-taker who enquires: 'How many children have you, ma'am?' 'Two living and three in Melbourne.'

[The Outsiders] was very competitive, in the best possible way. Full of love, full of companionship and fellowship, pranks and practical jokes and ball-busting.

Childhood was the germ of all mistrust. You were cruelly joked upon and then you cruelly joked. You lost the remembrance of pain through inflicting it.

In Hollywood, it's hard to be funny, because all the big jokes are in Washington.

Overseas, language barriers keep me from doing a lot of talking and some of the jokes that I think are funny and they're like crickets. I have to sharpen up on that.

I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost.

Anything where we're the butt of the joke, no one tells us about it.

A comedian is someone who tells the truth. Truth is the set of all jokes told by all comedians in the world.

I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.

I think I have a reputation for being really serious. In interviews I use big words, but I'm just an emotional goofball. I play practical jokes all the time.

Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.

I consider myself always a humorist. And I think anybody who tells jokes or makes people laugh is humor.

If life's a joke, then suicide's a bad punch line.

I can't cuss and tell jokes the rest of my life. I gotta say something meaningful. I gotta give something back to a Creator who has given so much to me.

We are not engaged in a complicated joke disguised as a religion. We are engaged in a religion disguised as a complicated joke.

I always have humour in my action movies. I think characters that make jokes under fire are more real. It somehow helps put you in their shoes.

I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations.

I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected.

Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before. We can actually finish jokes.

John's relationship with each of the other Beatles was different. He was at his most relaxed with Ringo, who often had him in stitches with his jokes.

People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart.

I just wanted to be in show biz. I wanted to make music and sing and dance, tell jokes and stories, make ya smile, make ya cry - and charge you $ 8.50

I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.