Don Rickles Quotes

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.

Some people call me a legend and the last of the greats, and I appreciate it.

Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.

My style is my personality. It's always been that way. Being a wiseguy and having fun. It's always been that way for me, when I was in high school, and in the Navy. It's not something I rehearse.

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.

It's very sweet to have people say nice things about you, and I always accept that.

Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.

Women were afraid of me, they were scared to death. But I always say be yourself, if you're funny then let your sense of humor go there. I mean there's no sense hiding what you feel.

I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it.

Regis Philbin is very successful in his own right. We have a new thing where he have chairs and we sit and talk to each other about my career and his career. It works pretty well if I do say so.

I've never had guys sit me down and say this is what you've got to do. It's my personality that makes me one of a kind, and I believe that.

When you talk about George Burns you're talking about a living legend . . . well, a legend, anyhow.

You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it.

You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.

I can sit all day in a comfortable chair and watch ball games, but I don't need a blanket.

Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.

Struggling is hard because you never know what's at the end of the tunnel.

I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies.

My main success was an attitude. Always an attitude.

They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities.

Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor.

Who am I to judge is what I say. I'm 90 years old, for crying out loud, and I don't sit in any chariot.

I'm not a big one for jokes. I can't tell a joke, believe it or not. If you gave me a thousand bucks and said, "Don, get up at a party and tell a joke," I'm the worst.

Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive.

An insult comic is the title I was given. What I do is exaggeration. I make fun of people, at life, of myself and my surroundings.

I was with George Washington at Valley Forge, sitting around before an attack... gimme a break. That's over 70 years ago already.

I don't feel an obligation to give everyone a hard time, but when they're important people, it's fun.

I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness.

I do situations and make fun of authority and life.

I've never had a writer, and I'm proud of that. Everything I've per­formed has been from my own head.

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.

I take pride in being very unique in what I do. Nobody else can do what I do and I don't mean to say that egotistically, it's just something in my personality.

Showbiz is great if you're successful.

When you're 18, you're just so busy being scared and having fun - a crazy mixture - that you never thought of dying.

I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate.

In the old days, that was my ad-lib for hecklers in the joints I worked. It stuck with me. I hardly say it now, say, to fans, even though people do send me hockey pucks.

I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.

To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it.

The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now.

In the 45 years I've worked in casinos, I dreamed of being honored by an organization like the American Gaming Association, especially since I don't even have a hunting license.