Humour Quotes
I swear I've good morals. It's just that bad ones befriend me. I'm a friendly person, you know. But I will talk to them. Believe you me.
It was during Latin that the Austro-Hungarians arrived with their dogs and zombies to kill everyone at the Eden College for Young Ladies.
You look extremely young, " said Miss Nightingale...."Age isn't really a matter of years, I find, " returned Phemie. "I know people twice my age who will never be as old as I am now.
You can take that needle out of my leg now. I'd like to pull up my pants.
My favourite songs from literally all my favourite albums are usually always track 10. Coincidence? Conspiracy? Illuminati? Time will tell.
St John had always been a fan of the RS Turbo, mainly due to the colour coded rear spoiler and air vents in the bonnet, which distinguished it from the more common and less powerful XR3i.
Please don't arrest me.""Listen to me, I'm not going to arrest you, ok? I'm not a cop.""Are you sure?""Am I sure I'm not a cop? yes, I'm sure.""You could be undercover.
Had the facial plumage been of a paler hue it would have looked like a pile of horse crap on a winter’s day.
Her protestations were drowned out by the sound of Gordon Honeycomb barfing up aftershock into the kitchenette sink.
Private Benjamin lives next door but one to Bob Cryer from The Bill. I once saw him crouching down behind a sycamore tree and using his nose as an Allen Key to release a starving rat.
They seek him here. They seek him there. Those Frenchies seek him everywhere. Is he in Heaven? Or is he in Hell? That damned, illusive pimpernel.
You little prick. It's a whelk...it's a...it's a...dead whelk!
Frame everything and some of it will become art.
Sometimes being given the elbow can turn out to be the best hand.
I tried to make sense of things. Now that I think about it, I have always tried. It could be my epitaph. LEO GURSKY: HE TRIED TO MAKE SENSE.
The homeland might be lacking snakes, but it held its share of venom.
There are times, Kruppe murmurs, when celibacy born of sad deprivation becomes a boon, nay, a source of great relief.
A huge meringue with polio who drives everywhere in a beautifully restored Hillman Imp.
HECKLER: Say something funny!COMEDIAN: I don't do requests.
It went automatically to a heavy-weight mother with beetling eyebrows who looked as if she had just come from doing a spot of knitting at the foot of the guillotine.
This is 1987. A girl can be whatever she wants to be." "I know, " said Ray. "My mums a plumber.
Ender began to eat, slowly and carefully, pretending not to notice he was the center of attention.
Maple thought optimistically that human beings, on their good days, weren't much dimmer than sheep. Or at least, not much dimmer than dim sheep.
Age may catch up with you, just never let it over take you.
One grey hair appeared on my headI plucked it out with my hand.It answered me: "You have prevailed against me alone -What will you do when my army comes after me?
You know you’re dealing with a numpty when her saving grace is that she didn’t help to cover up a murder.
Please believe me. I've nothing against you personally. It's just that I laugh at all jokes.
Would you like me to put you out of your misery, before I put you out of your misery?
Oh yes, it's very tragic. Why does everyone always like love stories? What about absence-of-love stories? Aren't they much more common?
My first kiss as a single woman. It sent a tingle sprinting down my spine like a tingle panther.
Duke to Michel: I’m fairly certain that even ifyou’d struggle in a quiz against a pigeon, you are capable enough of opening doors.
I decide to release myself the only way I can imagine: I pee my pants.