Humour Quotes
You can't judge a book by its cover, " he said. "No, " said Watts. "But you can tell how much it's gonna cost!
A credit card allows you transcend time. For it allows you to put off until tomorrow what you bought today, while you are still paying off what you bought yesterday.
A credit card allows you transcend time. For it allows you to put off until tomorrow what you bought today, while you are still paying what you bought yesterday.
Dell had left the army and taken the discipline home with him. I’d left the theatre world and taken the whisky sodas home with me.
I want a new liver to replace my heart.""Um, why?""Because then I could drink more and care less.
Best that all mischief be undertaken behind a squeaky door
Light and dark ain't supposed to mix. They're like broccoli and chocolate - just nasty when you put them together - but that appears to be what's happening with you
Listen, I didn’t ask for a face and body girls find attractive. But thanks to the mixture of my parents’ DNA, I’ve got them, and I’m not ashamed to use ’em.
The voice of a donkey braying in the neighbouring meadow seemed like the mocking laughter of demons.
Captain Bradbury's right eyebrow had now become so closely entangled with his left that there seemed no hope of ever extricating it without the aid of powerful machinery.
Just because I'm insane doesn't mean I have to act all crazy.
All he'd done was lose her underwear and practically get her blown up.Hell. This had to be the absolute worst first date of her life.
You still are? There go my plans! And the suit I had bought to attend your funeral. Well, well. Anyway, do call me up when you an't.
What the efficient market hypothesis doesn't account for is that people are not always rational. Just ask any divorce lawyer.
Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her.
Author? Author? Did you write these legs?''Yes."'Well, I don't like dem. I don't like 'em at all at all. I could ha' writted better legs meself.
How old did someone have to be before they could be put to use to make tea?
You're asking the cyborg fugitive and the wild animal to be the welcoming committee? That's adorable.
The devil was always in the detail. And here the detail was certainly devilish.
The table was covered with food like roast chicken, roast potatoes, roast parsnips, roast turkey, roast liquorice and, the centrepiece, a roasted knight.
But first I had to get through the ironing. It took a lot of patience. I had none. It took forever, and then I had to press the whole shirt again to get out the creases I’d pressed into it.
I had shaved my beard for her-a huge disappointment, because I’d enjoyed my three weeks looking like a bank robber.
Who’s driving the boat?”Over the motor, I heard girls screaming at us the instant before we crashed.
I wanted to remind you that you do not allow me to deliver boats, as I have been known to crash them.
Boys don’t gossip.”“Pah! You don’t know us as well as you think.”This was a disturbing prospect.
This faulty light fitting at the front door with the dangerously flickering bulb looks rather festive. Who says I don't do Christmas?
Christmas comes but once a year, starts in August ends in July
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man in possession of a warm house and a well-stocked fridge must be in want of a cat.
The other girl, Iko, cupped her chin with both hands. "This is so much better than a net drama.
Tony smothered the life that me and Ma had built, a furry mould growing over a sweating slab of cheese.
A heart? Peppone knows where one is to be met with. There is always someone in the black market in need of dying early.
When Johnny Depp saw it, he was so excited he fluffed up to twice his normal size.
My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because I thought you were gone forever.' 'I missed you too, Thurid.
I always reminded myself that this wasn't exactly where I was meant to be, but pit stops are okay on the road of life, aren't they?
Every discussion with a girl is an argument, and when you think you are right suddenly you realize that your trapped.
Any advice for how to be a successful author?""Yes. Don't be a woman. And be dead. And do both at the same time, if you can.
There are some laws that are coded into the very nature of the universe, and one is: There Is Never Enough Shelf Space.
For the moment we might very well can them DUNNOS (for Dark Unknown Nonreflective Nondetectable Objects Somewhere).
What’s with all those tattoos? Makes you look like a hooligan.”“I suspect I am a hooligan.
cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin’ in your house, I’d kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder.
I’m not going anywhere until you hear me out.”Oh, please no. Anything except having to listen to her lecture. I push the button that calls the