It went automatically to a heavy-weight mother with beetling eyebrows who looked as if she had just come from doing a spot of knitting at the foot of the guillotine.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

They couldn't keep Death out, but while she was in she had to act like a lady.

You must learn to see everything around yourself as your resources, your opportunities and turn them into your weapons so that everything works in your favor and helps to achieve your goal

Love is the soul's music

I never really got nightmares from movies. In fact, I recall my father saying when I was three years old that I would be scared, but I never was.

Truth or tact? You have to choose. Most times they're not compatible. It's so hard to draw the line.

But we cannot rely on foreign help indefinitely.

When you write a two thousand page history of the Second World War, the deportations and the concentration camps will take up five pages, and the gas chambers perhaps 20 lines.

Attack each day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind.

My strengths make me contemptuous. My weaknesses make me charitable.

And I'm not a personality; otherwise I'd be coming out with an album, performing on MTV. All that stuff is possible and I can do that tomorrow. I just have no need.