Humorous Quotes
As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed. Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my day around.
There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.
I think it would be totally inappropriate for me to even contemplate what I am thinking about.
There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind.
Leandros's favorite place had turned out not to be vegetarian, but vegan, which was for people who preferred their suicide slow.
People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.
Egad, I think the interpreter is the hardest to be understood of the two!
I might be in love with you." He smiles a little. "I'm waiting until I'm sure to tell you, though.
You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.
Jack might look my age, but he was like a little kid on a sugar high --- in need of a good spanking. --- Good heavens, that sounded creepy.
Look at your eyes. You've got bigger bags than Louis Vuitton.
She looked like a head-on collision between a fashion plate and a nightmare.
Lending books to other people is merely a shrewd form of housecleaning.
My boyfriend dumped me. My best friend won't talk to me. My future is in a garbage can. Everything has turned to crap. Can you please just let me be a sullen teenager. just this once
She gave me another of those long keen looks, and I could see that she was again asking herself if her favourite nephew wasn't steeped to the tonsils in the juice of the grape.
It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
We decide to start with the best-known sight of all, the one that, more than any other, exemplifies what the Big Apple is all about: the Islip Garbage Barge.
This nation is so friendly that the leading cause of injury is getting passionately embraced by strangers.
Israelis keep teaching you your own business. God knows everything but the Israelis know everything better.
I said in my earlier book, and find no reason for retracting my statement, that the famous Jewish sense of humour got lost in transit to Israel.
Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers.
Tel-Aviv airport is still the only airport in the world where each passenger is met by ten relatives.
If I traveled to the end of the rainbow as Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me the pot's at the other end.
Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.
Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure.
The country has always been governed by a coalition but today it is governed by a so-called Grand Coalition which is a more polite word for all and sundry.
There are also a number of humans living up there (Canada), and in many ways they have a lifestyle quite similar to ours, including such traditional American activities as driving Japanese cars.
If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.
I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror.
Nobody uses his car in New York, because so many people use it that traffic is congested and unbearably slow.
And dilettantism is a humorous way to survive. Everybody understands you for it and everybody hates you for it. And not everybody chooses to be a dilettante. Many choose cunning and brute force.
The Americans are extremely gadget minded people and American gadgets have a peculiar characteristic: they work.
The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
Cigarette companies market heavily to young people. They need young customers because their product kills the older ones. It is the only product that, if used as intended, kills the consumer.
Israel also deprived the world of its chance of shedding tears of genuine sympathy over her destruction. The world resents this; it likes to feel noble and sympathetic.