Humor Quotes
This is 911 dispatch, and the nature of your emergency… fire, ambulance, police or… physics?
I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa.
Bloody ashes, woman. This isn't a metaphor for anything! It's just boots.
I'm going to make it a law that the correct way to address your sovereign is my giving a high five.' Kai's smiled brightened. 'That's genius. Me too.
At my place I can really tell when winter has come.. It's when sunlight is pathetically crawling in my courtyard, incapable of reaching my window anymore.
Even Cronus, the Titan who literally had his kids for breakfast, would find these facts hard to swallow.
Pegasus's dad was poseidon, the god of the sea, and his mom was Medusa, and evil Gorgon who had fangs and lizard skin and living snakes for hair. And you thought your family was weird.
This coming from the god who zinged Guinevere and Lancelot while King Arthur was away slaying dragons.
Instantly, the pair fell to groping one other as if each had puff the magic dragon at a rock concert in Woodstock.
Excercise is nothing more than a depressing reminder that one is not a god.
Why are you singing?” Daniel asked. “You’re just lying in the dirt and singing. That’s weird. I thought you were supposed to be some kind of scary monster.
Behold, my children!" she said. "The instrument of my revenge. I will call it a scythe!"The Titans muttered among themselves: What is that for? Why is it curved? How do you spell scythe?
Helios thought he looked pretty hot, and he had an annoying habit of calling the sun his "chick magnet.
There's my baby!" I cried, quite carried away, "There's my poochiekins!"..."Sadie, " My dad said firmly, "Please do not refer to the devourer of souls as 'poochiekins'.
As a society, let's all strive to make "old fashioned" the "new fashion". Husbands make it clear to your wives that you are on a mission to become her knight in shining armor.
I have been quiet today because fear in my heart has been fighting with frustration in my brain, leaving little energy for my mouth.
Jihadis! Please go to your imaginary heaven - out there, nowhere. Us, the infidel lot, have helluva lot to do after you leave. Out here.
...by the end of my first week as an intern, I am just about ready to throw my pager out the window. A high window. Overlooking a trash compactor. Filled with highly corrosive acid.
I have done so much medical and scientific research Crashing Life I am thinking about putting PhD behind my name or maybe B.S.
How do you tell the psychiatrists from the patients in the hospital?The patients get better and leave.
Like plumbing, medicine is a profession where you learn early on not to put your fingers in your mouth.
One popular saying was, "The boy who goes into medicine is too lazy for farm or shop, too stupid for the Bar, and too immoral for the pulpit.
I have always understood that money made in the patent medicine business is a practical bar to social success.
Harry — I think I've just understood something! I've got to go to the library!”And she sprinted away, up the s
Th' first thing to have in a libry is a shelf.Fr'm time to time this can be decorated with lithrachure.But th' shelf is th' main thing.
She remembered the conversation in the Library, as forgetting was the last thing a fully-trained Librarian should do. Memories were as important as books, and almost as important as proper indexing.
In common with librarians the world over, the two women were used to dealing with a disproportionate quota of odd people acting strangely.
... my heart skips a beat. Seriously, like a CD from the public library, it goes ZZebbTTT and skips.
It doesn't matter if they hate you, or embarrass you, or simply don't appreciate your genius for inventing the internet-""You invented the inte
I'm on the Internet. I stay informed. They let old people on the Internet, you know.
He tried to look up more about magical curses online – but as usual, the internet wasn’t a huge help, and mostly just its best to convince him he was about to die. - 'Only Human' by Meredith Katz
The best way to vanquish your enemies on the Internet? Ignore them.
...CompuServe, and it was not sophisticated, guys. It was the cave painting equivalent to Tumblr.
described the Internet as “a series of intestines, laid out by a goatherd’s son, spewing bile at both ends
I mean, scamming on guys on the Internet? I thought that was only for forty-year-old divorcees who Photoshop their pictures in an effort to appear younger and thinner.
I used to have a lot of faith in humanity before the advent of the website "comment" section.
You're not a book person. And now you're not an internet person? What does that leave you?
Lucien, women are wondrous, mysterious, and magical creatures, who should be treated not only with respect but with reverence, perhaps even awe. Now go sweep the steps.
Artists are dishonest creatures really. They foist their version of reality upon us while making it all up. Writers, painters, musicians, auteurs—they’re all the same.