Jim Gaffigan, Dad Is Fat Quotes

I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.

When your mom was not in labor yelling at me, she made me laugh so hard.

I used to wonder why I had hair on my legs, but now I know it's for my toddler sons and daughters to pull themselves up off the ground with as I scream in pain.

I used to have a lot of faith in humanity before the advent of the website "comment" section.