Humor Quotes

....Love is not only wired, but elusive too.

Birds that cannot fly high into the sky rejoice exceedingly and sing sweet melodies when they get to the top of the tallest tree on the highest mountain!

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course.

I've never questioned the integrity of an umpire. Their eyesight, yes.

A baseball club for girls?

He cried like a jockey who'd just lost the Kentucky Derby by a few nostril hairs.

He who thinks he's the best is not the best... And the one who thinks "he who thinks he's the best is not the best" is also not the best.

Wisdom of the Ages "Assault and Battery" Weather forecast for the St. Louis Rams next Sunday in Seattle.

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law.

'Why are you yelling at the television when you know they cannot hear you?' 'You wouldn't understand, ' said Asher, his gaze locked on the screen. 'It's a human thing.'

The guys who play it [soccer] are kinda dumb. Why don't they just kick the crap out of the guy in front of the net? Then they could score all they want.

I don't let birdies and pars get in the way of having a good time

In Gym, the kids on my team learned not to pass me the ball and to step quickly in front of me if the other team tried to take advantage of my weakness. I happily stayed out of their way.

He placed his hand on Willem's arm. 'Willem, don't cry.''I'm not going to, ' he said. 'I can do other things in life besides cry, you know, ' although he was no longer sure that was even true.

What's wrong with you, Daniel? How can you laugh about these things?" And I'm like, 'Cause crying only gets you halfway there, duh.

Why do I seem to have this effect on women? They're around me and they cry.

My feelings for you run very deep." - LoorNot deep enought, I guess." - Bobby (The Rivers of Zadaa)

Waking up, for many people, is apparently a positive experience. There are twittering birds and the smell of fresh coffee fills the air.These people do not live at my house.

Disappointments are often my greatest motivation.

Hypocrisy/hi pakrise/ noun1. The moment you tell someone it is not important to be right, in order to look right to everyone else.

I don't like that guy. He calls the cops for everything.

People who say, 'Let the chips fall where they may, ' usually figure they will not be hit by a chip.

Hermes smiled. "I knew a boy once ... oh, younger than you by far. A mere baby, re

Street performances?""A little singing. A little martial arts. Some interpretive dance.""Wow.""I know! The Portuguese have taste.

We heard the army before we saw it.The noise was like a cannon barrage combined with a football stadium crowd- like every Patriots fan in New England was charging us with bazookas.

The only strange thing about Jackson was the tattoo on the inside of his forearm - a trident as dark as seared wood, with a single line underneath and the letters

I know what you're gonna think, what you're gonna ask. Percy Jackson, why are you hanging from a Times Square billboard without your pants on, about to fall to your death?

Percy!’ Annabeth scolded. ‘You just opened another Monster Doughnut shop somewhere!

We went about our usual routines - combat practice, volleyball practice, archery practice, strawberry-picking practice (don't ask), lava-wall-climbing practice ... You'll find we practice a lot here.

He turned to Harley, the oddly muscular eight-year-old son of Hephaestus. "Want to come with? I might need help with the projector.""A projectile! Yes!" Harley pumped his

Uh-oh, " Will muttered. "This is going to be ... interes

You’re gonna be like Aquaman?” she asked. “Get the fish to fight for you?”“Thanks, ” Percy said. “I haven’t heard enough Aquaman jokes for one lifetime.

I'm Crusty, " he said, with a tartar-yellow smile.I resisted the urge to say, Yes, you are.

Nico: With great power, comes the great need to take a nap.

Percy: You just hit the lord of the titans with a blue plastic hairbrush.

Where's the dam water fountain I'm thirsty?

I didn't understand how. But the toilets had responded to me. I had become one with the plumbing...

Percy: Dad-Poseidon: Very well! It shall be as you say. But my son, pray this works.Percy: I'm praying, I'm talking to you, right?Poseidon: Oh...yes. Good point.

The good thing is Jason and I both outrank you so we can both tell you to shut up.

Popcorn! Our fatal weakness!

P.S. Please don't call me Isabella. That name belongs to a really pretty girl who never wrecks her clothes and who never gets dirt under her fingernails. That's definitely not me. My name is Izzy.

Words are a weapon, and rotten kids like Tyler Jones get a free pass when it comes to using them because the marks they leave are invisible. Why don't more adults realize that?

Turns out, most girls would rather put on lip gloss than play with sand toads.

A day without someone to hold you or a day without someone to share, is a day easily forgotten.’ - Vera Richardson in Mr Alhourani's Dead Man's Spots

I'm the most famous person, problem is people don't know it yet…

[Hearing] was distinct from listening, which could only be achieved when hearing was combined with giving a shit.

Zane raised his brow. “Didn’t I say that yesterday?” he asked, forcinghimself to be patient. Somehow.“You say that like you think I listen to you, ” Ty responded instantly, asmile pulling at his lips.

Auntie Yang is not hard of hearing. She is hard of listening.

Now, for the first time in my life, I empathize 100 percent with Fluff McFly. My heart is beating at hamster-speed and I am throwing my eyes around the room, looking for some way out.

Look what pressure(cooker) does to Rice. It makes the hard and tough rice go soft.