Humor Quotes

You could start a fire with the heat between you two.""You're mistaking bitter animosity for heartfelt affection.

I'm sorry. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain.

Try not to have a good time...this is supposed to be educational.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.

HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death)

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Alas! Earwax!

You're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.

You're a stalker with hooves.""I am not! I followed her to the Big House and hid in a bush and watched the whole thing.

Sane is boring.

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs.

Poison!" Grover yelped. "Don't let those things touch you or...""Or we'll die?" I guessed."Well...after you shrivel slowly to dust, yes.""Let's avoid the swords, " I decided.

Reyna sent me to get Percy, " Frank said. "Did Octavian accept you?""Yeah, " Percy said. "He slaughtered my panda.

How did you become blind, uh, Jeff is it?"Yeah, Jeff. Well, I looked directly at the sun, you know, the way they always tell you not to. If only I had listened.

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

It's lovely. If only you could frost someone to death.""Don't be so superior. You can never tell what you will find in the arena. Say it's a gigantic cake-

This is Leo. I'm the... What's my title? Am I like, admiral, or captain, or...""Repair boy.""Very funny, Piper.

Are you sleepwalking?' A voice asked behind me. "I was testing dorm security, " I said. "It sucks.

We could visit him, " suggests Will. "But what would we say? 'I didn't know you that well, but I'm sorry you got stabbed in the eye'?

A great nose may be an indexOf a great soul

Now, Max, I think we both know your parents aren't missionaries."I opened my eyes wide. "No? Well, for God's sake, don't tell them. They'd be crushed. Thinking they're doing the Lord's work and all.

We have to be back in three hours, " Ronan said. "I just fed Chainsaw but she'll need it again.""This, " Gansey replied "is precisely why I didn't want to have a baby with you.

Think, think, think.

Fine! I'll throw on some clothes. Turn around. I'm in my pj's""I'm a guy. That's like asking a kid not to glance at the candy counter.

There are never enough 'I love you's.

I look up to say something but he puts his finger to my lips and whispers, “Don’t talk. You’ll just spoil my fantasy of rescuing an innocent damsel in distress as soon as you open your mouth.

Fresh is better. But you've never drunk fresh blood. Have you?"Simon raised his eyebrow in response."Well, aside from mine of course, " Jace said. "And I'm pretty sure my blood is fan-tastic.

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.

I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley,

Awww, " Minho said. "That's almost as sweet as that time she slammed the end of a spear into your shuck face.

Run first, ' Shane said. 'Mourn later.'It was the perfect motto for Morganville.

Leo couldn't help smiling. "That could be fun.""Fun" she said unhappily."Blue elephants.""Blue elephants.""Kiss me you fool.""You fool.

I hate you, " I muttered.Noah smiled wider. "I know.

Your brain is doing some great work when it's laughing.

Number of empty Ben & Jerry's containers: 3 -- two mint chocolate cookie, one plain vanilla. (Who buys plain vanilla ice cream from Ben & Jerry's, anyway? Is there a greater waste?)

Have you ever had a girlfriend, Kenji?" me?

You smell good, " he whispered into my neck. He was warm against me. Instinctively, I arched back into him and smiled. "Really?" "Mmm-hmm. Delicious. Like bacon.

I've had great success being a total idiot.

Name the different kinds of people, ’ said Miss Lupescu. ‘Now.’Bod thought for a moment. ‘The living, ’ he said. ‘Er. The dead.’ He stopped. Then, ‘... Cats?’ he offered, uncertainly.

There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'""The mood will pass, sir.

You're not a woman, " he said finally. "You're the Grim Reaper with red hair!

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, " Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. "They've obviously never met me.

You're Hell's Angels, then? What chapter are you from?''REVELATIONS. CHAPTER SIX.

I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

I’ve met plenty of embarrassing parents, but Kronos, the evil Titan Lord who wanted to destroy Western Civilization? Not the kind of dad you invited toschool for Career Day.

Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes!” Dee shrieked. “My eyes!

Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.

Meaning what? We're going to pretend nothing's going on? That's stupid. The only way to deal with any of this is to get it out in the open."Have you been watching Oprah again?

The mind is a complex and many-layered thing, Potter... or at least, most minds are...

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.