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Lenny Bruce Quotes

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Lenny Bruce Quotes: "The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is."

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor."

There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor.




Lenny Bruce Quotes: "If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses."

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "It's the suppression of the word that gives it the power, the violence, the viciousness."

It's the suppression of the word that gives it the power, the violence, the viciousness.




Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone."

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God."

I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person - you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty."

You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person - you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty.




Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Freedom of speech is a two way street, man. You have the right to say whatever you want and the Boss has a right to tell the police to arrest you."

Freedom of speech is a two way street, man. You have the right to say whatever you want and the Boss has a right to tell the police to arrest you.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "There are no dirty words, only dirty minds."

There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Let me tell you the truth: The truth is what is. And what should be is a fantasy a terrible, terrible lie that someone gave the people long ago."

Let me tell you the truth: The truth is what is. And what should be is a fantasy a terrible, terrible lie that someone gave the people long ago.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "To say whatever nonsense comes into your head without any repercussions has got to be a bigger high than heckling a movie screen in a darkened theater."

To say whatever nonsense comes into your head without any repercussions has got to be a bigger high than heckling a movie screen in a darkened theater.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "There are never enough I Love You's."

There are never enough I Love You's.




Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Miami Beach is where neon goes to die."

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian."

Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter."

Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them."

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich."

Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill."

You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover."

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God."

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker."

That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days."

Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer."

If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Once you take away the struggle for food, clothing and shelter, work is the one four letter word that offends everyone."

Once you take away the struggle for food, clothing and shelter, work is the one four letter word that offends everyone.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "What is truth today may be a damn lie next week."

What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it."

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, "What I'm going to do if I grow up"."

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, "What I'm going to do if I grow up".



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission."

If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Never trust a preacher with more than two suits."

Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Every tribe needs a good front man to sell the program. Who better to convince the Middle East to give up the oil, than a brown man with a Muslim name?"

Every tribe needs a good front man to sell the program. Who better to convince the Middle East to give up the oil, than a brown man with a Muslim name?



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls."

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her."

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "I was surprised when Nixon passed the test and showed up in heaven, but, I guess Hitler threw off the curve for our century."

I was surprised when Nixon passed the test and showed up in heaven, but, I guess Hitler threw off the curve for our century.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth."

You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Once the country was settled and built, the bosses changed the order from a stack of educated workers to a barrel of minimum wage lottery dreamers."

Once the country was settled and built, the bosses changed the order from a stack of educated workers to a barrel of minimum wage lottery dreamers.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "If I just stuck to pot I might have found out what a drag being an aging hipster actually was."

If I just stuck to pot I might have found out what a drag being an aging hipster actually was.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know."

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't taper off. You've got to quit, cold jerky!"

If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't taper off. You've got to quit, cold jerky!



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Wouldn't it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to each other, talk, laugh, and keep the lights on as long as they want to?"

Wouldn't it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to each other, talk, laugh, and keep the lights on as long as they want to?



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do."

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Life is a four-letter word."

Life is a four-letter word.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter."

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "I am influenced by every second of my waking hour."

I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it."

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "Anyone who does anything for pleasure to indulge his selfish soul will surely burn in Hell."

Anyone who does anything for pleasure to indulge his selfish soul will surely burn in Hell.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "I've been accused of bad taste, and I'll go down to my grave accused of it and always by the same people, the ones who eat in restaurants that reserve the right to refuse service to anyone."

I've been accused of bad taste, and I'll go down to my grave accused of it and always by the same people, the ones who eat in restaurants that reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "I tried the religion scam in Miami, so I know how hard that gig is. But, if you can get it to work, starting your own religion is a license to print money."

I tried the religion scam in Miami, so I know how hard that gig is. But, if you can get it to work, starting your own religion is a license to print money.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "If you believe there is a God, a God that made your body, and yet you think that you can do anything with that body that's dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer."

If you believe there is a God, a God that made your body, and yet you think that you can do anything with that body that's dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.



Lenny Bruce Quotes: "When earth gets good and crowded, like 15th century England, then some new Pilgrims are gonna rocket their Mayflowers to a new solar system."

When earth gets good and crowded, like 15th century England, then some new Pilgrims are gonna rocket their Mayflowers to a new solar system.