Humor Quotes

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

So please, oh please, we beg, we pray, Go throw your TV set away, And in its place you can installA lovely bookshelf on the wall.Then fill the shelves with lots of books.

That does it, " said Jace. "I'm going to get you a dictionary for Christmas this year.""Why?" Isabelle said."So you can look up 'fun.' I'm not sure you know what it means.

I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it.

My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.

You haven't got a letter on yours, " George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge.

Don't talk to me.""Why not?""Because I want to fix that in my memory for ever. Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret...

Why are they all staring?" demanded Albus as he and Rose craned around to look at the other students."Don’t let it worry you, " said Ron. "It’s me. I’m extremely famous.

Mom says it's because she has PMS.Do you even know what that means?"I'm not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome

Investigation?" Isabelle laughed. "Now we're detectives? Maybe we should all have code names.""Good idea, " said Jace. "I shall be Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein.

Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind.

Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.

You possess other people's...bodies."He accepted that statement with a nod."Do you want to possess my body?""I want to do a lot of things to your body, but that's not one of them.

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

It's not gray, " Clary felt compelled to point out. "It's green.""If there was such a thing as terminal literalism, you'd have died in childhood, " said Jace.

I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while, " he grunted, "It relaxes me.""It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

You're an idiot.""I've never claimed to be otherwise.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Headline?" he asked."'Swing Set Needs Home, '" I said."'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home, '" he said."'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children, '" I said.

Ginny!" said Mr. Weasley, flabbergasted. "Haven't I taught you anything? What have I always told you? Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain?

Alec looked at her and shook his head. "How do you manage never to get mud on your clothes?"Isabelle shrugged philosophically. "I'm pure at heart. It repels the dirt.

DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.

We need to talk. All of us About what we're going to do now.""I was going to watch Project Runway.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.

Can you be a girl for a few seconds?""I'm always a girl" I frown."You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl"I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay.

There's no need to clarify my finger snap, " said Magnus. "The implication was clear in the snap itself.

Where is Wood?" said Harry, suddenly realizing he wasn't there."Still in the showers, " said Fred. "We think he's trying to drown himself.

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.

Rachel: You're a half-blood, too?Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about?Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god!...They don't seem to care.

It takes a lot of time to be a genius. You have to sit around so much, doing nothing, really doing nothing.

Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"All the time.

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning do to do afterward.

The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

Are you always a smartass?'Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

French name, English accent, American school. Anna confused.

I guess it’s true what they say, " observed Jace. "There are no straight men in the trenches.""That’s atheists, jackass, " said Simon furiously. "There are no atheists in the trenches.

I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.It's really funny.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

Inconceivable!""You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled. "Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?""What?""Oh, you'd like something simpler?

Hercules, huh? Percy frowned. "That guy was like the Starbucks of Ancient Greece. Everywhere you turn--there he is.