Humor Quotes

Men ought to find the difference between saltiness and bitterness. Certainly, he that hath a satirical vein, as he maketh others afraid of his wit, so he had need be afraid of others' memory.

Men's happiness and misery depends altogether as much upon their own humor as it does upon fortune.

The whimsicalness of our own humor is a thousand times more fickle and unaccountable than what we blame so much in fortune.

My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.'

I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers.

A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How much are your cracked ones?" He said: "35p". He said: "Crack us four dozen."

The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.

I don't like to have these words banded about, like "British sense of humor," "American sense of humor," though I'll be damned if I know what they are.

The secrets I receive reflect the full spectrum of complicated issues that many of us struggle with every day: Intimacy, trust, meaning, humor, and desire.

Apparently they're going to bring in 'Super Asbos'. But 'Asbos' already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them 'Gaybos' or 'Bender Badges'.

They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags.

Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I'm surprised she hasn't joined them!

That should be the anti-speeding advert. It should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day.

Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch.

When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.

I met Steve Jobs once. In '06? He had a sense of humor.

Does power bring happiness? Does it bring refinement? Does it bring humor? Does it bring a good-heartedness, or is it just cold? Power is never cold. Cold people may use power in cold ways.

Have a wonderful sense of humor, particularly about yourself and your own situation. Yet don't simply laugh. Work to change and improve things even though, at times, it seems impossible.

Humor is one of the primary tools for liberation.

We see an enlightened teacher to gain a sense of humor, to learn balance and proportion and of course to learn wisdom.

Tantra is only recommended for someone who has a very developed will power, a terrific sense of humor, and a sense that nothing else matters but God and self-realization.

You must be accommodating with your teacher. You must have a sense of humor about your teacher and the impossible things they ask you to do.

Humor is the balance of the tonal. Within the tonal you've got reason and humor. The two balance each other so that the tonal can accept and understand the journeys into the nagual.

Humor enables us to deal with and overcome many of the most painful and difficult situations in our lives.

Keep your sense of humor. Stay funny.

The danger to power is obsession - power junkies. You need a very strong mind and humor to balance yourself. If you don't, you will get shredded.

Keep a sense of humor, that keeps you balanced, and you'll do quite well with it all, I'm sure.

As you meditate, you'll develop a sense of humor so that you can laugh at yourself, which you need to do in this world.

I've always been so intrigued by French language and how it completely changes you, because of cultural context, because of humor.

I'm more interested in plot than theme, but I hope my values find their way into my stories: kindness, sympathy, effort, and humor!

Humor, danger and a twisted tangle of unlikely prophecies make for a page-turning adventure.

The author I wish I was reading right now and always is Nora Ephron. I love the humor, the awareness, the sense of self-deprecation. She is such a role model to me.

If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?

Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people.

When you come to expect humor of people, you will never get it.

Smiles, like humor, are the most serious and complex forms of communication used by human beings.

Nothing reveals a man's character better than the kind of joke at which he takes offense.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.

Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

He who rules must fully humor as much as he commands.

I did a movie with Woody Allen [“Hollywood Ending” in 2002]. I only had a few days with Treat on that film. I immediately liked Treat. Treat and I had a sense of humor about the whole thing.

I never took the work less than serious, my work ethic is ingrained in me. But I've always had a sense of humor about myself.

One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair.

George: Why've you had a grudge against your brother for 15 years? Benny: We Lopezes are a proud people... George: You have a birthday lunch at Denny's every month. We're not that proud!