Humor Quotes

Cooking? Oh we were great, you'd take anything and melt cheese on it, and the one who could guess what it was didn't have to wash up!

Organic? I grew up on Angel Delight. We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon!

I wish I was like you! You know startled by direct sunlight.

We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit now.

One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear from this Black Books thing.

Don't clap I'm not a jazz band for Christ's sake.

I'm not a fighter, I'm a bleeder.

I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling.

You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them.

Humor is like a frog. You can dissect it to see how it works, but by then, it's dead.

Reality is a unified whole, but thought cuts it up into fragments.

A sense of humor is an important thing to have because when you get into an argument, one of the best ways to diffuse it is to be funny.

I usually tame my off-kilter sense of humor for novels.

Humor is not far from my vocabulary.

Horace appears in good humor while he censures, and therefore his censure has the more weight, as supposed to proceed from judgment and not from passion.

Mirth is a Proteus, changing its shape and manner with the thousand diversities of individual character, from the most superfluous gayety to the deepest, moat earnest humor.

That dark humor has always been a part of what I've done. It's always been somewhat tongue-in-cheek.

I tend to like poems that are short as well as funny. I love Joe Brainard and Aram Saroyan. And I think their sense of humor and minimalist approach are pretty radical.

The stupidity of one brain multiplied by twelve.

Humor is really important to me. All my favorite writers are writers I consider to be funny, including Tolstoy and Dostoevsky, even though that's not necessarily their rap.

I can only do what I do with a spirit of humor, and faith and give the controls over to something else.

Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work.

You say you're sick and tired of hearing about me? I've got news for you: I'M sick and tired of hearing about me.

I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's stress. You're not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I'll tell you that right now.

Have you ever thought about toothpaste? Ellen has! And she makes a point about all of the types of toothpaste that Colgate offers!

My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding?... Noooo... as funny as that is, I'm not

You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.

Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor.

When there's time for whistling, there's a lot of time on a show.

Honest change? Honest? Has someone altered the definition of the word while my back was turned, or have you recently developed a sense of humor?

I love you more than anything in this world. I don't expect that will last.

The joy of joys is the person of light but unmalicious humor.

I've been around some very famous people, but no one has the effect Maradona has; people tremble in his presence.

For every woman who's ever wondered about the path not taken, Fenton and Steinke mine—with tremendous humor and insight—the mixed blessing of unexpected second chances.

Everyone says that I have no sense of humor, then I construct a perfectly sound pun around a well-known psychological condition, and it is ignored.

A word says more than a thousand images. Exercises for the visually inclined: illustrate "appreciation", "humor", "software", "education", "inalienable rights", "elegance", "fact".

My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!

Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.

It's a really unique job that is a little schizophrenic and you have to kind of do it with a sense of humor.The trick is figuring out what each job is asking of you and what it's not asking of you.

When I was at the interview asked how I cope with life's difficulties, I said that saving sense of humor. I'm not lying.

I believe in irony. And if V-Day has taught me anything, it's that if you go out with artistic, outrageous irony and humor, people are drawn to it.

'I will not stand for being called a woman in my own house' she said.

There are the horror fans that love the Evil Dead because of the humor, but I’m sure it’s not all of them. Not all horror fans love Evil Dead because of the humor, at least not me.

Not all horror fans love Evil Dead because of the humor, at least not me.

The last man that makes a joke owns it.

I have a dark sense of humor, so I definitely like to work on stuff like that. I do enjoy working in comedies where I can create a fun and broad character.

I think humor is warmer, and wit is colder. Wit is judgment, whereas humor invites some sort of response.

If you're gonna take people on a journey that deals with some pretty heavy themes, I think you best have a sense of humor, here and there.

The ignorant ever shun and dread the gifted and enlightened.

To spend too much time in studies is sloth; to use them too much for ornament is affection; to make judgment wholly by their rules is the humor of a scholar.