Funny Quotes

That would be cool if the earth's crust was made out of graham cracker. It would disappear just like the ozone layer, but for completely different reasons.

I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen. But he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.

I have a dream, and a plan, to combine the commercial possibilities of Valentine's Day with the substance and meaning of black history month. I call it: Blackentine's Day.

I'm no different than any other expendable player.

Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they surrender to us quickly.

There is no presence of the American columns in the city of Baghdad at all. We besieged them and we killed most of them.

The American press is all about lies! All they tell is lies, lies and more lies!

These are not ordinary human beings. They are criminals. As a matter of fact, they are criminals, both by nature and by training. By nature, because they are not decent. They are criminals.

I speak better English than this villain, Bush.

We will see how the issue will turn out when they come to Baghdad.

Their objective is to get to the outskirts of Baghdad. So be it.

Washington has thrown their soldiers on the fire.

They are most welcome. We will butcher them.

This boa, the American columns, are being besieged between Basra and other towns north, west, south and west of Basra. The Americans are the people who are under siege.

Make the land of Islam a burning fire that burns their faces and feet wherever they pass.

They are going to surrender or be burned in their tanks. They will surrender, it is they who will surrender.

I can assure you that those villains will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place

The authority of the civil defense ... issued a warning to the civilian population not to pick up any of those pencils because they are booby traps.

And knowing money is a root of evil, in Christian charity, he'd take away whatever things may hinder your salvation.

Some people suffer in silence louder than others.

I can't imagine what kind of problem Senna has. I imagine it must be some sort of grip problem.

... the lead is now 6.9 seconds. In fact it's just under 7 seconds

Of course he did it voluntarily, but he had to do it.

Michael Schumacher is leading Michael Schumacher.

Ferrari leads, McLaren second, McLaren second, Jordan third, and Benneton fifth and sixth.

The more developed your abs, the less time you've spent reading.

Getting worried there might not be enough talent in America to acommodate all these singing shows.

The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ's playlist.

Come, therefore, and let us fling mud at them!

We're blessed on 'How I Met Your Mother' to feel like we're doing a bit of a funny playlet everyday.

I consider myself to be first and foremost a comic writer. The way I entertain myself - especially in those long and grim hours in the office - is to write stuff I find funny.

There's a fear that I don't think people are interested in my actual opinion. I just think people are interested in me being funny.

Filming is a funny combination of having a good time and not being able to wait until its over.

Britain's last gold medal was a bronze in 1952 in Helsinki

I have always sensed the exhilaration and independence of being self-propelled. Besides, you can jog while pushing a baby carriage. Maybe I'm a product of Wonder Woman comic books

Funny how all things people don’t understand seem to be ‘cursed’.

Goth Juice... The most powerful hairspray known to man. Made from the tears of Robert Smith.

Science teachers and the mentally ill, that's all Jazz is for.

I’m really not interested in women as victims. Look at me, I get the last laugh ‘cause I get to be funny about it.

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

The America's Cup is like driving your Lamborgini to the Gran Prix track to watch the charter buses race.

The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words.

Humor was also a defense mechanism from getting picked on at school. If I could be funny maybe people wouldn't bother me.

A lot of the things I say I'm just trying to be funny... I don't really mean everything I say, because I'm not totally that airhead.

The gods throw the dice and they don't ask whether we want to be in the game or not.

People should just be aware of how they are eating... yesterday I had a McDonald's breakfast and pizza too - but that's bad.

It's always funny to me how your movie becomes no longer yours and people interpret it how they want and react how they want to react to it, and it's fun to kind of watch that happen.

People just don't laugh when their family is violated, and you don't shrug it off. You band together and you defend together. It's a funny, primitive instinct.

I felt like my vote was the vote that put [Obama] into office. It was down to one vote, and that was going to be my vote. And that may not be true, but that's how much power it felt like I had.

To me, the movie is more funny if, at the same time, you can think a little bit or dream a little bit.