Funny Quotes

After two minutes after this time, and I am already there.

Without him here, it is impossible to know how fast he will play it, approximately.

I am thinking it right but beating it wrong.

Let's start at 35 because I don't know where it is.

This is one bar you should take home.

I need one more bass less.

Long note? Yes. Make it seem short.

Brass, stay down all summer.

It's difficult to remember when you haven't played it before.

More basses, because you are so far away.

Congratulations to each and every one of you for the concert last night in New York and vice versa.

Did you play? It sounded very good.

Serkin was so sick he almost died for three days.

That's the way it was every time I studied it.

It is not together, but the ensemble is perfect.

Don't think you are looking at me because you are not.

He was listening so I don't remember.

Think of your girlfriend or boyfriend or whomever you want to.

The next movement is still in the factory.

That was perfect. It was just the opposite from what I said yesterday.

Someone came too sooner.

It's so legato it's difficult to splice. Sibelius was famous for that.

I cannot give it to you, so try to watch me.

Muti is going to do the Alpine Symphony this year. He will do it well because it is not very well known.

I hate it in friends when they come too late to help.

Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.

People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.

You've heard of the three ages of man - youth, age, and you are looking wonderful.

Boxing's all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds.

I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed.

I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."

The dumbest question I was ever asked by a sportswriter was whether I hit harder with red or white gloves. As a matter of fact, I hit harder with red.

Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.

Alcohol, firearms and a 4 wheel drive can go a long ways towards making a rain day into a fun rest day.

The confessions can touch on every human emotion. They can be laugh-out-loud funny, for sure, they can be heart-breaking, they can be sexual or hidden acts of kindness, they can be romantic.

Congratulations you're 18!... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill.

Congratulations on passing your test! Your HIV positive.

I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're taking part in the conception of the Antichrist.

It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which gunshot is the starting pistol.

Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.

Those who want to row on the ocean of human knowledge do not get far, and the storm drives those out of their course who set sail.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

Stripped of ethical rationalizations and philosophical pretensions, a crime is anything that a group in power chooses to prohibit.

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.

It is obvious that all sense has gone out of modern marriage; which is, however, no objection to marriage but to modernity.

It so happened that I was on a German sailing vessel on the way to Australia when the ship was captured, and on the high seas I was made prisoner by the French.

For me retiring wasn't hard once I knew that that was the decision I was going to make.

Funny, how moms can tell you what to do no matter how old or big you are.

it's a funny life. Either you don't make a red cent and you have all the time in the world, or else you get double the money and you don't have a moment to spend a penny of it.