Comedy Quotes
Secret 7591.42.21. Avoiding weasel words in your intelligence analysis isn't easy when your intelligence analysis is about weasels.
I say, you look smashing this evening, " Zayne strode over to her, took her arm, and began helping her up the walk, "That is a lovely gown, and what is the color of the hair you're currently sporting?
Bad improvisers block action, often with a high degree of skill. Good improvisers develop action."(p.115)
The coding was anachronistic, kind of like bokeh in a renaissance painting.
HARV, can you help at all here?” I asked, spinning downward.“I am writing your obituary. Well, not so much writing it as updating it, ” HARV told me.If I lived, I was going to kill HARV.
Thing is, I am not a big fan of hovers. I firmly believe that if man was meant to fly we’d have feathers, rubber bones, or better insurance coverage.
So, what you’re basically telling me is death is boring but no worse than hanging out with family.
HECKLER: Say something funny!COMEDIAN: I don't do requests.
98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed.
Make your life the greatest story ever told!
Comedians love people to point and laugh at them, even if they are not funny, naturists don't, no matter how funny they are.
Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark
Support your partner in their interests. You never know when batting practice, kung fu movie moves, or even a poker night might come in handy during a zombie infestation.
Make requests, not demands. "Please" kill that zombie, honey, I'm out of bullets.
Build mutual friendships. Just be ready to end them when your friends start trying to eat you.
Because I'm not really certain she'd make the best travel partner through a zombie-infested city, he hissed. She gets confused by Scrabble.
The only thing which really seemed to pay off in life, if you went by Mary Pedersen's example, was sleeping with your superiors.
Commercial comedy's often set up to feature an ironist makingdevastating sport of someone who's naive or sentimental or pretentious orpompous.
The old agility was still present and the passion was undeniable, but it was the wobbling of the gut, the puffing of the cheeks and the profuse sweating that lent the performance its true magic.
He could sit in the dust and dark of the carriage house and rot for the rest of his life. Clearly that's what he wished to do. It was not my place to get in the way of so profound a destiny.
Do short people reach their full potential quicker?
You called the guy you’re supposed to rescue a nerd, and you just referenced Star Trek. You don’t find that a bit nerdy?
I'm gonna be percy Jackson when I grow up, " she told Hazel solemnly.Hazel Smiled and ruffled her hair. "That's a good thing to be, Julia.""Although, " Frank said. "Frank Zhang would be good too.
It's early on a beautiful winter morning. The house is quiet. The sun is shining. I'm thankful. I'm happy. My cup runneth over. Now there's coffee everywhere.
Roses are red, Violettes are bllue, Valentines day is consumerous crap, now don't you have ironing to do"Unlikely thing to read in a valentines day card
Another case for the dumbness of reading, however, is that books do not contain answers, but rather pose more questions. And asking questions makes you look dumber, not sma
In life there are squares and there are circles, sometimes it's best to be an oblong
I'm holding a super-expandable energy-powered towel. I've made friends with space hamsters. I think we've stretched believability rather far, don't you?
I decide to release myself the only way I can imagine: I pee my pants.
I sat down on the sofa, surrounded by years of coffee rings and sandwich stains. If the police ever did a DNA test on this sofa, it would be ninety per cent disappointment.
...big, strapping macho guys were like liquid diets--they were great for emergencies, but she wouldn't want to be on one all the time.
After your daily bread, if you ask God for anything, ask 'him' to make you right in the head.
But after dealing with Roy for a while I just wanted to get through the time I’d signed on for, to prove to myself that I couldn’t be beaten by a girly-faced, chicken-boned, racist cat.
Maple thought optimistically that human beings, on their good days, weren't much dimmer than sheep. Or at least, not much dimmer than dim sheep.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers and boys used to dress like their fathers. Now girls drink like their fathers and boys dress like their mothers.
