Comedy Quotes

I whispered across the bars to Jackaby as I rose, "Shall I tell them the truth?""Have you killed anyone?" he asked, quietly."No, of course not!""Then I can't imagine why you shouldn't.

I'm forty-two, " he said. "That's eighty-four in musician years.

I mean, my age is just a number. So what if you were born in the era when they still used rotary phones and cassette tapes? I think it’s cute.

I’ll take stolen kisses and trysts in the cane fields for as long as I live over a life without you in it.

I swear I've good morals. It's just that bad ones befriend me. I'm a friendly person, you know. But I will talk to them. Believe you me.

You're not a loser. You're almost as smart as me, which makes you one of the smartest people on the planet.

Lea, you know you should never have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

I started rubbing my temples and she suggested I don't really get headaches. It just hurts me to think.

Best to have only a few absolutely perfect trait - for example, my hair and eyes and sparkling personality - so you don't overwhelm.

Might have just been an innocent bystander, sir, ’ said Carrot‘What, in Ankh-Morpork?’‘Yes, sir.’‘We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value

There was a silence. Elliot was surprised, because he would have thought the sound of every atom in his body exploding with indignation might make some noise.

Might have just been an innocent bystander, sir, ’ said Carrot'What, in Ankh-Morpork?’Yes, sir.’‘We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value

Women KNOW, we just know. Even if we didn't know, we would know. Men won't get this, but women will..because we KNOW

Normally ghosts didn't scare him. (Assuming, of course, Gaea hadn't encased them in shells of stone and turned them into killing machines. That had been a new one for him.)

Well, I think Leo's either going to learn a much needed lesson in social activity-- or go nuts and kill us all." -Crash

We don't have dealings. He just stalks me. I'm popular like that.

I'm sorry I missed the meeting and hurt your little feely-weels okay?

Hello, Mrs. Tran...I have David's homework. And if you ever want to see it again, you'll pay me the two million dollars I asked for.

Owr brave little shank!

You mean you don't want to come in and hold my hand while I piss?

We both want you dead. I'm bringing the friendship bracelets to the next meeting.

I understand that you don’t want to marry me, ” I said. “I mean, I don’t know why, since I’m simply delightful to be around. But to each his own taste.

So the reason I was struck again and again was because of my overwhelmingly positive energy. Funny, I'd always thought of myself as a pessimist.

Yeah, it's a kodak moment. Quick, take a picture.Sarah scoffs. I stick my tongue out at her.

You know what? We need a recession in this country, because that would finaly weed out al the subnormal, underdeveloped, stupefied, puerile people in this workforce.

Well, that explains the dreamy accent. And why transvestites would make him feel homesick.—SINGLE-MINDED

Don’t you worry, darlin’, ” he says, his intensely blue eyes full of mischief. “I like surprises

Well, I did tell you I couldn’t give you a thing. Maybe you’ve just realised that Alistair can give the god damn world, and the pleasure of kissing his shiny slap-head every day!

I gotta go but... I miss you. That's all.""I miss you too", I say hugging my body tightly with the sleeves of his shirt.This... Is falling.

...Mrs. Percy understood that staying beautiful all day long is the most important aspect of being married...

I mean emotionally, women are like Bruce Lee and we’re like Donald Duck. An’ I think a lotta guys are afraid of that.

I suppose when you say you slept with him, it was more than just a nap?"Lillian shot her a withering glance. "Daisy, don’t be a pea wit.

I was shy, ” said six-foot-one of bashful male. He grunted as a sharp, feminine elbow thudded inconspicuously into his side.

Do you think ladies’ eyebrows can communicate as well?” she asked.“No, they don’t have sufficient thicketry, ” he said with authority.“Thicketry?”“Yes, that is the official term.

Lord Carradice managed to look wicked, smug, and saintly, all at the same time.

Two Strapping Alpha Billionaires. One Girl Looking For A Fresh Start. A Heck of A Wild Ride!

Why Have One Heart-Stopping Alpha Billionaire When You Can Have 2?

Billionaires’ Indulgence Is A Heart-Stopping, Mind-Blowing And Jaw-Dropping Ménage Romance Series.

When I make love to you, Lanie, I want you to feel every inch of me buried deep inside of you, loving you, worshiping your body...

I'm going to make love to you, Lanie. I'm not your first, but I will be the last.

To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.

I have great respect for you - once you are dead, and gone

I’m much more than a writer – I’m someone who puts different words together in an interesting way.

When I write, it feels like there are two little creatures that sit on each of my shoulders. One whispers, "You can do this. You've got what it takes." The other sounds like my mother-in-law.

My book sales are way down today. Also, I've received two scathing reviews. One of them calls me “a purveyor of insipid wet-dreams.

Let's play Russian roulette. If you win, I give you a Colombian necktie.

Just when you think things can't get any naughtier... they do!

Jake and Hunter will make you forget all other book boyfriends you thought you loved!

Save a horse. Ride a cowboy... or two!

This sizzling menage romance series is the hottest book you'll have read in a really long time!