Comedy Quotes
The only difference between me and a famous writer is that I do not want to be famous.
You’re sure you didn’t leave? Didn’t try to explore Thunder Bay again, maybe go down to the park and, I don’t know, dismember some poor jogger?
A man wants too many things before marriage, but only peace after it.
I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.
Maybe you’re not so bad after all.’He leant across the seat, jabbing his finger in the air. ‘If you tell anyone, I’ll deny it. I have a reputation to uphold, you know.
Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD.
Some people won't have kids, but I’m not going to have parents. I’m burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight.
Dude, you're scaring the crap out of me, ' said Nick. 'I'm serious, I literally have no crap right now.
On horseback you feel as if you're moving in time to classical music a camel seems to progress to the beat of a drum played by a drunk.
When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5, 000 dollars or your back
A horse blanket, Mel?I remembered what I was wearing. 'It tore in half when Hrani tried washing it. She was going to mend it. This piece was too small for a horse, but it was just right fo
Don't you just hate that, you meet a girl she seems pretty nice, you tell all your friends and before you know it she turns out to be a vampire, don't you just hate it when that happens?
How did I end up in this situation? I'm the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?
Do you ride?"She smiled, her fingers lightly sliding around his ear. "Not since I hit that barn"Zach’s hands paused on her flesh. "You hit a barn?" "I had to avoid the cow
She stretched, pulling out her earbuds, which apparently in Lykae was code for 'Interogate me, ' because the questions, they came a-calling.
Jackson asked, "Where'd the water come from in your house?""A pipe." Then he explained to Jackson, "Water travels in pipes.
She's in the Catskill, " Shopie began, but Scathach reached over and pinched her hand. "
Radical Edwards's profile? He's a seven-foot tall ex-basketball pro hindu guru drag-queen alien.-Jet Black, from the Cowboy Bebop anime script
I won't say that you're pretty because that dog already did. And I won't say you're funny because you have had me laughing since I met you.
My darling, you are indisposed! You must remain abed for the next eight months. Little Buford - ""I am NOT naming our child Buford...
I shed a tear when I meet somebody who always quits. Reliable people are so rare in this world.
I can only drive slowly.""That's all right.""And I can only do left turns."Rose ran downstairs, grabbed a road atlas, and ran triumphantly back up again. "Wales is left! Look! It's left all the way!
I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I’m heaven’s landscape painter.
Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles.
Let me get you all some punch, ” I said.“You're leaving us?” said Isabel, sounding panicky.“I'll be right back, ” I promised. “If anyone comes near you, just scream and run.
If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.
I love the smell of a new book, but I prefer inhaling fresh bottles of ink and glue. They get me more lightheaded – unless I read the book.
Careers are not made in a family business, they are born – by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.
If Duncan was ever into men then he's been so far in the closet he's been living in Narnia.
Let me just say it out loud so we can laugh together: You're going to find Johnny Depp, take him back to Vahalal, and put him in a zoo?
We look forward to seeing all of your Vaseline coated smiles terribly soon.
If ye canna see the bright side o' life, polish the dull side
Adam's hot Pheebs! Admit it girl. That body is like some kind of happy experiment. It's like he was manufactured in a nympho scientist's secret laboratory
It was safe to assume he'd not only read the play but then re-read it, cross-referenced the annotations, and probably joined an online chat group called Buds of the Bard or something equally nerdy
The Princess BrideS. Morgenstern'sClassic Tale of True Loveand High AdventureYou had to admire a guy who called his own new book a classic before it was published and anyone had a chance to read it.
I will not stand here to be insulted by you, hedgepig, " Mangiz fumed."Then stand somewhere else and I'll insult you there, featherbag!!
Hi's nose was pressed to his window. “I've changed my mind, Tory. This is the perfect place to hold someone prisoner. I'm keeping this on file.
Divination is turning out to be much more trouble than I could have foreseen, never having studied the subject myself.
I grabbed my purse, which was conveniently place by the front door. Gabriel was such a considerate abductor/host. He even left the front door unpadlocked.
Idiot, " I said, before grinning broadly and crushing his mouth to mine. "We need to pick new pet names for each other, " he muttered as I hefted myself up from the ground.
She's your mother. I asked, Plus, you do look a bit like her. When you're angry, you both get these tense lines around your mouth...Look, there they are.
I reach up and pat them both on the head. "Poor things. If you had a boy that looked like Logan, you'd be kissing him every chance you had, too.
Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs.""I was curious!