I've been to many funerals of funny people, and they're some of the funniest days you'll ever have, because the emotions run high.

I was in Kashmir last weekend. Went to visit one of my sweaters.

A lot of alliteration from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts!

I'm not a big fan of the post-Armageddon stories, where Denzel Washington is walking around in a torn coat.

Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive?

Your spouse should be just attractive enough to turn you on. Anything more is trouble.

If you want to be a writer, just write. There's no magic to it.

Getting older is a lot of fun. Right up there with chewing glass or putting your hand in a blender.

I can't not put humor in a book.

When I die, if the word 'thong' appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up.

Relaxation is the absence of worry.

Every island to a child is a treasure island.

Those who love to be feared fear to be loved.

To me, there's no great chef without a great team.

Obviously the imagination is fueled by emotions beyond the control of the conscious mind.

All money is essentially merchandize.

We'd all like to be taken for what we'd like to be.

I'm a teen distortion, survived abortion.

Remember your natural affection for all of creation.

As an artist, it is great to be able to market yourself to people who don't know you, and people who do.