You're such a big liar you gotta get your neighbor to call your dog.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

If my work has a theme, I suspect it is a simple one: that most human beings are inescapably alone, and therein lies their tragedy.

Kindred’s tale is a romantic, mature, and lyrical collage of heaven, hell, and a magical royal legend. The combination is divinely—and demonically—inspired.

All legends have a base in fact.

It's not surprising that you wouldn't see that side of me on television, but in real life I find the world to be quite a funny place.

It's better to be silent than to be a fool.

The major challenge for the United States is whether it can become the first outward-looking, continental, nonimperialist power in history.

My poems mean what people take them to mean.

Unfortunately, in Hollywood, there are those directors that have some contempt for actors. We've all experienced that, in one way or another.

We are never more in danger than when we think ourselves most secure, nor in reality more secure than when we seem to be most in danger.

What if this cursed hand Were thicker than itself with brother's blood Is there not rain enough in the sweet heaves To wash it white as snow?