Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where's your coffee? You've got coffee, haven't you? C'mon, everyone's got coffee! Spill the beans!

The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they've found it.

The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?

It's lies. It's all lies. Some of them are just prettier than others, that's all. People see what they think is there.

It's not lying when you do it to officers!

Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?

This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.

There was this about vampires : they could never look scruffy. Instead, they were... what was the word... deshabille. It meant untidy, but with bags and bags of style.

Maladict had hallucinations, but Wazzer had a certainty you could bend steel around. It was the opposite of a hallucination, somehow. It was as if she could see what was real and you couldn't.

Ankh-Morpork is a godless city--''I thought it had more than three hundred places of worship?' said Maladict. city', he recovered.

A woman always has half an onion left over, no matter what the size of the onion, the dish or the woman

Democracy cannot succeed unless those who express their choice are prepared to choose wisely. The real safeguard of democracy, therefore, is education.

Don’t think about happiness. If it doesn’t come, there’s no disappointment; if it does come, it’s a surprise.

I had massive anxiety as a child. I was in therapy. From 8 to 10, I was borderline agora-phobic. I could not leave my mom's side. There was a lot of fear, but it was also very exciting.

The awesome thing about failure is that it is only temporary. Embrace it, learn the lesson and come back blazing.

What Nature bids is good, is wise, and faultless we obey.

What you allow you encourage.

Today we're all alike, all of us bound together by our shared apathy toward work. That very apathy has become a passion. The one great collective passion of our time.

Begin today. Declare out loud to the universe that you are willing to let go of struggle and eager to learn through joy.

If there is love, smallpox scars are as pretty as dimples. I'll love your face no matter what it looks like. Because it's yours.

I don't think anything is forever, but when my kids tell me they love me, that's forever.