There was this about vampires : they could never look scruffy. Instead, they were... what was the word... deshabille. It meant untidy, but with bags and bags of style.

The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they've found it.

The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?

It's lies. It's all lies. Some of them are just prettier than others, that's all. People see what they think is there.

It's not lying when you do it to officers!

Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?

This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.

Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where's your coffee? You've got coffee, haven't you? C'mon, everyone's got coffee! Spill the beans!

Maladict had hallucinations, but Wazzer had a certainty you could bend steel around. It was the opposite of a hallucination, somehow. It was as if she could see what was real and you couldn't.

Ankh-Morpork is a godless city--''I thought it had more than three hundred places of worship?' said Maladict. city', he recovered.

A woman always has half an onion left over, no matter what the size of the onion, the dish or the woman

In Australia, even the darkest subject matter has a little pinch of humor. A little sweet to make the sour go down.

I don't know nothing about no marriages or nothing. I ain't even never been to a wedding.

You can no more keep a Martini in the refrigerator than you can keep a kiss there.

There are three things against which the wise man guards: lust when young, quarrels when strong, and covetousness when old.

It has been my observation and experience, and that of my family, that nothing human works out well.

If there is a virtue in the world at which we should always aim, it is cheerfulness.

Old dogs can be a regal sight. Their exuberance settles over the years into a seasoned nobility, their routines become as locked into yours as the quietest and kindest of marriages.

I had four gold medals, but you can't eat four gold medals.

I have a great career, and I have my daughter. Sio what I don't have is not as important to as what I do have.

We will always apply the same principles of collective security, prudent caution, and superior weaponry that enabled us to peacefully prevail in the long cold war against the Soviet Union.