When you come into the world you have nothing... when you leave you have nothing... and in between there's the IRS.

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.

I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it.

Money talks — but credit has an echo.

My mind wanders a lot, but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.

I believe in facing reality. But only because I don't like turning my back on it.

People used to live lives of quiet desperation - now they go on talk shows!

I like to get to work early. Before my brain knows what I'm up to.

The Senate being tied is a start. Now, if only it could be gagged.

It's not that Good doesn't triumph over Evil, it's that the point spread is too small.

A fool and his money are soon parted. It takes creative tax laws for the rest.

Life is a stage, that we all have to go through!

I suppose I am proud of what has gone on, after all I only ever wanted to play the guitar for a living, and that is what I am still doing.

Rock is my child and my grandfather.

Do not vainly lament, but do wonder at the rule of transiency and learn from it the emptiness of human life. Do not cherish to unworthy desire that the changeable might become unchanging.

He's going to be what?! Oh for God's sake. Sir David Beckham? You're having a laugh. He's just a good footballer with a famous bird.

In 100 years we have gone from teaching Latin and Greek in High School to teaching remedial English in college.

You should never do something kind in hopes of recognition. Do it because its right. Do it because it makes you feel good.

As husbands, I think one reason we have some trouble with Paul's command to love our wives "as Christ loved the church," is that we don't really fully know how Christ loves the church.

Europe really needs to wake up, cast aside the lies and get rid of the Jewish yoke we live under - once and for all.

We can’t survive alone, but even if we could, we wouldn't want to.