When, in 1966, I progressed to The Frost Report, I was paid ten guineas a minute. I was guaranteed three minutes a week, so this was good money.

I believe in the separation of church and planet.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.

A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate

Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer.

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

Life is a comedy when watching and a tragedy when experiencing. I try and share anything I have.

Life took over 4 billion years to evolve into you, and you've about 70 more years to enjoy it. Don't just pursue happiness, catch it.

Never do things for money. It's always the things you do for love that turn out to pay the best.

Life has a very simple plot: first you're here and then you're not.

I've got soggy thighs. It must be dinner time.

She opened her mouth, clamped it shut again. This was new, this sudden favor shown Gloucester, had been brought back with him from Burgundy like some malevolent foreign pox.

All writers have their own pet commandments.

Disability is often framed, in medical terms, as the ultimate disaster and certainly as a deficit.

So let the storm rage. Let the storm rage.

Even on the Serengeti, it ain't a barbecue if there ain't some kind of beer.

It is with flowers as with moral qualities; the bright are sometimes poisonous; but, I believe, never the sweet.

Attention is a little-noticed and underrated mental asset.

I did three or four weeks of work on 'Godzilla' it wasn't a page-one rewrite or anything like that. The term is 'script doctoring,' is what I did on it.

I can't seem to be a pessimist long enough to overlook the possibility of things being overwhelmingly good.

A Wired reader told me once, Get a life, which I read from the back of a yacht in the Aegean, while eating fresh sea urchins and drinking terrific Montrachet.