When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, 'This is just dumb.'

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

People will try to frustrate you in life. But you have to decide to stay determined.

I can pretty much take care of myself; I don't walk around with much fear.

I am very mistrustful of people who are constantly over intellectualising things. It kills passion. You have to allow yourself to lose control from time to time.

Even a bad shot is dignified when he accepts a duel.

The nameless is the beginning of Heaven and Earth. The named is the mother of all things.

Each form has its pluses and its minuses.

We're still fighting over the same issue - equal pay.

God Himself begins to live in me not only as my Creator but as my other and true self.

Let none presume To wear an undeserved dignity. O that estates, degrees, and offices Were not derived corruptly, and that clear honour Were purchased by the merit of the wearer!