When I ponder my mind I consistently find It is glued On food.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Honor your father and mother even as you honor God for all three were partners in your creation.

My father still is a lawyer, and my mom was a teacher and then later a career counselor.

The unsaid message of that endless rack of juniors' pushup bras? No matter what size you are, it still isn't good enough.

Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, but it sure heats up the blood.

I was never somebody who grew up going, 'I really want to be a singer in a band,' and I never had any ambition toward anything, really.

Man is but the place where I stand.

The fact that Eddie Vedder likes to play 3 hour plus shows a night, I have to be ready for that.

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.

You do more for yourself when you forget yourself.

We are defined by the stories we tell ourselves.