What's wan man's news is another man's throubles.

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.

The past always looks better than it was; it's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

That is, no matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns.

What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.

A star doesn’t have to announce its arrival

Thank God for forgiveness of my sins.

Self-sacrifice enables us to sacrifice other people without blushing.

Anxiety and spiritual searching have been consistent themes with me, and that figures into my worldview. But I tend to make my songs sound like relationship songs.

If we could first know where we are, and whither we are tending, we could then better judge what to do, and how to do it.

No man should have a political office because he wants a job.

Experience is the only good 'tis safer to borrow than to buy.

Fight global warming! Be cool.

An unaspiring person always complaints. There is no end to his complaints. He bitterly complains even when the blessings of opportunity knock at his very door.

I haven't been in a store to buy anything for five years.