What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

If you treat people to a vision of themselves, if you apparently overrate them, you make them become what they are capable of becoming.

You practice with wet balls all the time.

That's just my family's mentality. We are a very loving, hugging and kissing kind of family. And we grew up in a church atmosphere and still have that atmosphere. There is no negativity.

Nobody ever became a writer just by wanting to be one.

I believe strongly that to whom much is given, much is required - we are a blessed nation - and that the United States could affect suffering in a positive way.

We are never prepared for what we expect.

You know I like that fight and I'm confident of walking away with two super-middleweight titles

You may think that if someone else doesn't change, you can never be happy. But if you change, you can be happy no matter what.

There are certain nights you and your image just aren't in the same bed.

Loyalty cannot be too liberally insisted upon. Altruism in nature remains an exception. It poses a puzzle, being in prima facie conflict with the survival of the fittest and most selfish.