What has six balls and screws Texans? The Texas Lottery.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

There is nothing so minute or inconsiderable that I would not rather know it than not know it.

Miracles are to come. With you I leave a remembrance of miracles: they are by somebody who can loveand who shall be continually reborn, a human being.

Always go into meetings or negotiations with a positive attitude. Tell yourself you're going to make this the best deal for all parties.

I'm fascinated by almost any mythology that I can get my hands on...

I am going to have a cup of tea, like any good Englishman.

Everything I want to do is Illegal.

Our challenge is to think right in a wrong world. Our challenge is to think positive in a negative world.

We Jews had more power than you Americans had during the War [World War I].

But at three, four, five, and even six years the childish nature will require sports; now is the time to get rid of self-will in him, punishing him, but not so as to disgrace him.

And if you have a law that isn't working, and you have thousands and thousands and millions of people, then the terrorists hide among them. And we have to have a law that makes sense.