We thank you [the soldiers recently returned from the middle east] for your service.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

Anyone who's read all of Proust plus The Man withour Qualities is bound t be missing out on a few other titles.

The Saviour love is all I need.

Jefferson and Washington had no idea these idiots would exist, otherwise they would not have made killing illegal.

We are made kind by being kind.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Ignorance plays the chief part among men, and the multitude of words.

For a true work of creativity, you must reach beyond yourself to bring correct draftsmanship together with strong composition and lifelike colors.

'American Horror' is the debasement of the suburban family, the way a lonely kid would have imagined it in the Seventies.

No triumph of peace is quite so great as the supreme triumphs of war.

Half of bravery is perspective.